Last weekend, I was fortunate to travel to the land that our forefathers dreamt about when they skillfully crafted our beautiful Constitution. Yes, my friends, I am talking about a place where the beer flows like wine; where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Las Vegas.
It was in Vegas that I most defiantly spat in the face of all those lawmakers who came before me, as for I, J.Diddy, turned 21. I have clawed and scratched my way through life as a simpleton, but now -- I am going to fuck your shit up. You thought you could stop me and change the ways of the world, MADD, but now I'm legal, and you can't do anything to stop me (minus throwing me in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison).
After a long-standing battle with the legal system, I can now safely enjoy a frothy B(eer) outside the comfort of my home, most notably, at the local watering hole near your home. Now don't get all pissy at me because I am going to get so blind that Ray Charles will be driving me home, because you know what? It's my goddamn legal right. So HA HA piss on you. Seriously, I may actually piss on you -- It's happened before and it sure as hell will happen again. It's just inevitable.
I'm going to start calling myself "the Hurricane" because I'm going to go Katrina on all your asses. And you know what else? Crying won't help you, and praying won't do you no good. Cause when the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.
So kudos, Alcoholics Anonymous, for I may be seeing you soon. But for now, I'm going to enjoy Happy Hour.
